Years ago, I visited a small printing business run by two brothers. At first glance, it felt warm, colleagues called each other “auntie” or “uncle,” birthday cakes were mandatory, and staff often stayed late “just because.” It was charming… until a new hire asked to be paid for overtime and was told, smilingly, “Come on, we’re a family here.”
That sentence.
It erased the contract, the role, the boundary. And behind the smiles, something cracked.
THE WHY
If you run a micro or small business in the Netherlands, you know how hard it is to build a loyal, collaborative team. It's tempting to lean on familial language to create unity, but this shortcut has a cost.
When “we’re a family” replaces clear agreements, it puts emotional loyalty above governance. It makes it hard to say no, harder to leave, and nearly impossible to speak up when things go wrong.
And in a country that values clarity (the Netherlands ranks among the top in contractual compliance and employee protections), this blurring can turn from cozy to risky, fast.
THE NUMBERS
- €1,350: The average fine per worker for incorrect overtime registration in small Dutch businesses (Source: Inspectie SZW, 2023)
- 28%: Staff turnover is higher in companies that overuse emotional framing without clear roles or agreements (Research: Utrecht University, 2022)
- Up to 40% of all disputes in companies with under 20 people stem from interpersonal confusion, not actual business failure
In other words: the real cost isn’t money, it’s erosion of trust.
WHAT NO ONE TELLS YOU
The Dutch arbeidscontract (employment contract) is not an act of mistrust. It is a declaration of mutual clarity.
But in “family-run” cultures, especially when English-speaking founders import habits from abroad, contracts are treated like backup plans.
Here’s the uncomfortable truth:
If you call your business a family, but don’t behave like a good parent, setting rules, showing consistency, protecting your people from burnout, then you're asking for loyalty without offering structure. And that’s not ethical.
DECISION COMPASS
Ask yourself today:
- Do we have written agreements that match the real work people do?
- When someone makes a mistake, do we address it structurally, or emotionally?
- Is loyalty rewarded with clear responsibility, or just more work?
- Would a new hire know where their role ends and someone else’s begins?
- If I left tomorrow, would the culture collapse or evolve?
FINAL REFLECTION
A family is not a business.
And a business should never manipulate the emotional code of a family.
You don’t need to be cold. You need to be clear.
Because clarity is care.
And structure, when rooted in trust, is what allows real belonging to grow.
Co-Creator of Xtroverso | Head of Global GRC @ Zentriq
Paolo Maria Pavan is the structural mind behind Xtroverso, blending compliance acumen with entrepreneurial foresight. He observes markets not as a trader, but as a reader of patterns, tracking behaviors, risks, and distortions to guide ethical transformation. His work challenges conventions and reframes governance as a force for clarity, trust, and evolution.
